The Most Annoying Guy in Hell

Ah man, this guy here…  Awe man, this is thee guy.  You’re the damn man dude, I mean… gahddamn… and let me tell ya you do a bang up job down here.  This guy is the shit oh brother!  He’s EVIL baby.  Evil with a capitol everything, see what I’m saying?  Man oh man this cat’s fucked up.  Teeth, horns, TALONS, fer Chrissss…sorry ‘bout that buddy.  Trained me not to say the C-word dintcha… Almost though huh?  Pretty close there, almost slipped up.  Let me rephrase that, teeth horns, TALONS fer fucks sake.  No C-word ‘round here.  Jesus who?  And his tail, woo baby you should see this thing.  Real wicked.  And those legs!  Oh don’t get me started about those gnarled legs… Pretty goat like.  Yeah, pretty sheep like more like.  Ha ha, huh?  Ya see what I’m saying?  Maybe his daddy was a shepherd and mommy was the slowest one in the flock?  Hey!  Baddaching!  I’m just kidding with you Beelzebub, common you know that.  You can take it.  Yeah man we’re just hanging….  Hey nice job on the whole fire and brimstone too man.  I mean really.  It fucking reeks of sulfur.  Dude somebody light a match, who farted?  Know what I’m sayin’?  Gahdzooks!  Rotten eggs, exposed bowels, fucking bat shit.  I mean pew.  Great, really-really great.  Lots of atmosphere- tons  

Yup real-ly suh’m…

What’s the matter devil, cat got yer tongue?  Tangle up the prongs of the ol’ forked licker?  Oh well… Say! it was real great to hang out like this.  I mean even Hell has those old good buddy moments, huh?  Know what I mean?  I mean this is fucking Miller Time here.  Feel it?  I feel it.  Real nice.  I can feel my skin growing back. You feel it?  Hell, you feel it all right.  Boy, it’s been a pleasure to shake your maggoty hand, fucknut.  Can I call you fucknut?  Just teasing there, Lord of Pain.  Just pullin’ the old lamb-leg.  You old dog-foot.  The goatiest son of a jackal I ever met.  What with the horns, the teeth, the talons… the, the tail, the stink, the hooves the big ol’ shlong… I mean man, you are SAY-TUN.  See?  Satan, baby.  Yeah, well look pal, this’s all been real nice but I gotta get back to that lake of boiling blood.  Get back on the shit end of the stick, as they say.  And say, just between you and me Lucifer, some of those guys in the lake over there… well, hate ta say it, but some of ‘em are real upset.  I mean really down, ya know?  Screaming and crying, and some of them are just, well,  assholes, man.  No talking to any of them.  I mean, I don’t like boiling blood too, you know what I’m saying?  I mean we’re all in this torturous burning damnation forever together people.  Know what I mean?  Can we at least… I dunno, chat?  Be civil?  See what I mean?  So yeah, top notch lake of blood there.  I mean, it’s hot…